This is what happens when you mess with Fan Girls
by Damron Girl
Summary: It's a POTC II and it's very random with Fan Girls messing with the characters. What will happen to those poor souls? Read to find out.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Pirates of the Caribbean II or their characters, or Tales of Symphonia characters, but I do own the plot.

By the way, this **will** have randomness involved, some language so that's why I rated it T for Teens, and some of the characters are made up or are based off of some of my best friends.

Oh by the way, this fic has a couple of **spoilers** so if you haven't seen the movie, you should watch it before reading this!

Oh yeah, before I forget, DG is the abbrieviation for Damron Girl.

Fan girls: Oh... Eww…

Damron Girl: Sorry to tell you that ladies, but it's the truth… Any who, let's get on with the chappie!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Damron Girl: I'm just going to skip to the part where Jack gets eaten up by the octopus (Damn that octopus or whatever the hell it is! Wait-its name is Craggon)

Damron Girl ( in killing spree): Fan girls, who wants to do some dissecting?

( Fan girls automatically acquire flame throwers, knives, heavy machine guns, grenades, hot wax, acid (tons of acids), Raine's cooking (off of TOS), gasoline, dog shit, tranquilizer darts--,)

Fan girl: Don't forget marshmallow peeps!

continuation of list above, fireworks for entertainment, marshmallow peeps…)

Damron Girl: …Marshmallow peeps?… Why in the hell do we need those for?!

One of fan girls: I want to see how the thing tastes like after we kill it!

( Damron Girl and rest of fan girls slowly back away from her frightened, very frightened and disturbed immensely.)

Damron Girl: That's so wrong on so many levels!

One of fan girls looks at Raine's cooking: Hey, why are you putting food in the weaponry? It looks really good…

Damron Girl: I wouldn't do that if I were you…

Fan girl takes a bite from Raine's cooking and turns purple: Oh my god! It's horrible! I think I got poisoned!

Damron Girl: Told you shouldn't have eaten it.

(Poison antidote magically appears out of nowhere and one of fan girls gives it to the poisoned one who gladly takes it.)

Fan girl who was recently poisoned but now is cured: Thank you!

Damron Girl (rolls eyes paranoid & groans): Now do you see _why _I put the food in the weaponry?

Fan girl: …_Yes_…

Damron Girl: Good. ( picks up sword and flamethrower) Let's go!

( Fan girls along with leader Damron Girl moves towards Craggon and attack it. Damron Girl cuts open the its stomach and finds Jack huddled up in a ball and drags him out. He's covered in slime or whatever the hell it is, I don't really no nor do I have the desire to find out. --; )

Damron Girl (takes out flamethrower and shoots it at Craggon): DIE! DIE! DIE! DDDDDIIIIIIIEEEEEE! BURN IN THE DEPTHS OF HELL! HEHEHEHEHAHAHA! (laughs/giggles like a maniac and it doesn't help much if you had a large Blended Mudslide before doing this)

( Fan girls throw the dog shit along with the tons of fireworks (which were by the way illegal), girl in the plane drops the gasoline, hot wax and acid, the girls in front fire millions of rounds from the machine guns along with the girls with the flamethrowers, the fan girl who loves marshmallow peeps throws her beloved chewable peeps at the monster imagining what the monster like octopus would taste like later, others throw grenades, as knives and tranquilizer darts are fired from cannon they automatically got , Raine's horrible and deadly cooking which exploded on contact in the monster's mouth making it gag and cringe.) (A/N: If any of my English teachers saw this really, really, _REALLY_ long run on sentence, I would probably get a brick chucked at me.)

( Beast then dies a horrible, nasty tasteful ( Raine's cooking), and gruesome death. It then exploded when the thousands of fireworks exploded showing an awesome display that lasted for at least 30 minutes or so. [the really good ones that professionals are hired to do.)

Fan girls start cheering because it's dead and nobody died. The monster floated on top of the water with some of its tentacles still on the Black Pearl ( I didn't make it sink so don't get mad at me for it.)

Damron Girl: Hahaha! That's what you get for messin with Jack Sparrow and fan girls you bastard!

Fan girl: How do you know it's a guy?"

Damron Girl ( sweat bead): I don't know!

Fan girl: If you don't know what gender it is, then you shouldn't say it!

Damron Girl ( really paranoid): Why in the hell do people ruin all of my fun?!

Fan girl: Sorry, but it's the true…

Damron Girl ( mad): Damn you and the truth! I should kill you both! ( pauses) Damn, I can't, I have to get Jack up.

Fan girl sighs with relief

Damron Girl: But that doesn't mean that I won't kill you later. ( grins as fan girl gulps) Takes a bottle of rum and holds it up in front of Jack's nose.

Jack sniffs it and automatically opens eyes and sits up grabbing the rum bottle.

Jack: Oh baby, I love you so!

Damron Girl ( blushes): I love you too, Jack.

Jack ( eyes opened in shock and in disbelief looking at the bottle of rum): Oh my god, my lovely and tasty rum is talking to me! It's a miracle!

Damron Girl (sweat beads): … --; …Okay…

12 fan girls: This is for U.S.A! (then go into a chant) U.S.A! U.S.A! U.S.A!

Jack (confused): What in the hell is a U.S.A?

Damron Girl: A country we live in were you supposedly have the freedom of speech, except you can't do that in school otherwise they expel you or something along those lines, and we're the richest or was it famous country with China behind us. ( looks at one of the fan girls) Is that right? You know, about the rich or famous with China behind us?

Girl a.k.a. Brainiac (nervous and confused): How in the hell am I supposed to know?! Just because I'm smart doesn't mean that I know everything!

Damron Girl: I really need to get back in class…

Jack: Classes? You mean like in school?

Damron Girl: Yes.

Jack: Well, if you're so smart, why aren't you in school then?

Damron Girl (paranoid): It's summer. We don't have classes unless you have summer school.

Jack: Oh…

Damron Girl: … --;

Jack (thinks for a moment and speech is slurred): How'd I get here again?

Damron Girl smiles: That's easy. We grabbed you out of the movie!

Jack (eyes as wide as dinner plates): WHAT?! WHAT IN THE HELL IS THAT?!

Damron Girl: A thing of pictures that move.

Jack (calms down a little and takes a swig of rum): Now I've heard everything…

Damron Girl: Well, that's what you get when you live in 2007...

Jack (scared): WHAT?!

Damron Girl (shakes her head and gives up): Never mind…

( Tons of fan girls come up to the two with rum in each of their hands): Oohh Jaaackk.

Jack looks up and sees rum and his eyes are shiny in happiness: Is that rum?

Fan girls nod heads: Yep.

Jack: Can I have some?

(Fan girls nods their heads again.)

Jack (pauses and thinks): …What's the catch?

Fan girls have devious grins on their faces frightening Jack: You have to make out with us. One-by-one.

Jack horrified and speechless.

Damron Girl: Uh… Jack? (waves hand in front of his face) Jaaackk?

(Jack snaps into reality): So all I have to do to get the rum is to make-out with these girls?

Damron Girl: Yeah…

Jack: I'll do it! (tries to stand up but stumbles forwards)

Fan girls: Let's go somewhere comfortable. (looks at Damron Girl with big bright puppy eyes)

Damron Girl turns head but finds herself peeking at them. _Must…resist… Must…resist…puppy eye…look._

( Gives her bigger and better puppy eyes)

Damron Girl (beaten and whipped): Fine!

Girls are smiling happily.

Damron Girl (shakes head in disbelief): Damn you and your puppy eyes!

( Snaps fingers and are now in a huge extravagant mansion)

Damron Girl (paranoid): Now are happy?

Girls: Yes.

Damron Girl: Good, because I'm not doing any more favors for a while. You guys are such a nuisance!

Girls: Okay. (look at Jack)

Jack looks at them and then finds desk with poster board and scribbles something down. DG (A/N: Short for Damron Girl) and fan girls are now curious. Jack turns to them wearing a sign written in pink saying, 'Will Work For Rum'.

Damron Girl (sweat bead): … Of course… I should have known…

Jack rubs hands together: Let's get to the kissin'!

Fan girls raise fists in the air and are very happy: Yeah!

Jack looks at Damron Girl who is in the dark corner ready to leave: Aren't you gonna stay? I'll make out with you if you want me to.

Damron Girl (has smile on her lips but keeps it hidden from the other fan girls): As tempting as that sounds, I have to decline your offer. I would rather have you sober so you could remember and not be drunk off your ass like you are now.

Jack shrugs his shoulders: That sounds about right. Okay.

Damron Girl still smiling: Don't have too much fun Jack. (leaves)

Unable to contain her excitement, first fan girl out of the 20, pulls Jack up to her and kisses him passionately. Jack is shocked at first but then finds himself enjoying it.

Second fan girl is not too happy so she tries to bribe Jack to come to her instead: Hey Jack?

Jack looks at her out of the corner of his eyes as she continues to speak: My Dad runs and owns a very huge vineyard and the basement cellar is full of rum…

Jack looks at the second girl, then the first girl and then back to the second girl: …Works for me! ( let's go of the first girl and runs to the 2nd girl and begins kissing her passionately and they fall onto the couch still kissing.

(DG: I'm just going to stop why I'm still ahead because I don't think you want to hear the insane amount of cussing and watching a thousand (not exactly that much) whacks of bitch slapping. (curious) Do you? (thinks for a moment) Oh screw this. I'm just gonna write it anyways so don't shoot me, 'kay?)

First girl is highly disgusted and is in complete rage: JACK, YOU PIG! I HATE YOU!

( grabs 2nd girl and slaps her across the cheek) YOU'RE SUCH A BITCH!

2nd girl gasps and is quite pissed: LOOK WHO'S TALKING WHORE!

First girl also gasps along with the other fan girls

First girl: I'M NOT AS BAD AS YOU WHO FEELS THAT GETTING LAID IS ALL THAT THERE IS IN LIFE!

2nd girl blushes and looks at her feet: Umm… Actually…I…uh…um…

First girl along with other girls are shocked and have wide eyes like dinner plates. Jack looks surprised as well.

First Girl (A/N: I'll just nick name her Snobby): You're telling me that you've never…

2nd girl (I'll just call Shy): Yeah…

Snobby: I'm so sorry… (thinks for a moment) Wait, what am I saying? (looks at hands like they're diseased) I'm…turning…good… NNNOOOOO! …Never… Evil…must…have…evil…left…in…me… (smiles wickedly)

YOU MUST SUCK IF YOU HAVEN'T HAD A BOYFRIEND YET!

Shy cries and other fan girls get mad at Snobby: You're so mean! What did Shy ever do to you? I think you're a slut!

Snobby (flames in eyes, and is in a more rage then she was before): YOU TAKE THAT BACK YOU WORTHLESS BITCHES!

Fan girls are now enraged and slap Snobby who then slaps Shy who then slaps Snobby and another girl who then slaps both Shy and Snobby who then strangles another girl who then kicks her in the shin who then punches same girl in the face who then digs her nails into Shy who then screams and falls over Snobby who then starts trying to strangle her as she and Shy roll on the ground who then…( DG: I think you get the idea…--; hopefully… Oh yeah, if my 11th grade English teacher saw this really, really ,reeeaaaally long run on sentence, she would probably scream at me and then try to murder me.)

Jack (laughs his ass off before falling to the ground out cold)

Fan girls hear this and stop what they're doing and rush to their god: Do you think he's going to be okay?

Damron Girl: He's fine. He just passed out, that's all.

Fan girls sigh in relief.

Damron Girl: Let's get him on the couch.

Damron Girl and rest of fan girls pick up Jack up and set him on the couch.

Damron Girl: There we go. He's good for now.

Voice: Mmmmm…. This is good!

Fan girls and Damron Girl turn around to the voice and saw the girl who loved marshmallow peeps sitting in the plushy blue chair eating something. They peered closer to get a closer look and gasped. It was a chunk of the tentacle from the monster. That's right, she's the one that wanted to eat it, remember? Well anyways, it was coated in dog shit, fragments of knives, tranquilizer darts and fireworks, pieces of Raine's cooking, hot wax, gasoline and bullet shells. Did I forget to mention that it was flame broiled to a nice dark and crispy (aka extremely burnt) outside with marshmallow peeps as the frosting?

Damron Girls and girls back up away from her very quickly and hide behind the couch where Jack was lying on.

Random fan girls: That's so disgusting! It's repulsive! It's-it's-it's wrong! They should have made another commandment where eating that thing was forbidden!

Damron Girl: Yeah, that would probably be a good idea… --';

Fan girl who likes peeps (I'm just going to call her Peeps) lifts out her tentacle snack to them: Do you want some? It's really good!

Fan girls at same time: NO!

Peeps looks very hurt and starts to cry (just to let you know, she's 7): I just thought you would want some… I just wanted to share with someone…

Damron Girl looks at Peeps with sad eyes. _I hate it when little girls are sad or older girls in general… _Sighs and walks to Peep: I'll have a small piece.

Peep looks up happy and smiles as she hands a piece to her/me: Yea! I hope you like it!

Damron Girl looks at food nervously. _I'm going to regret this later… _Takes a bite and eyes are wide opened in shock: I think I need medical help here!

Fan girl who is dressed up like a nurse heals DG as Peeps smiles: It was good, wasn't it?

Damron Girl: --; Uh…

Fan girl 3(Pesty) looks at Jack: Let's put make-up on Jack! I bet he would look cute!

(DG and fan girls look at her like she was insane)

Damron Girl: He's perfect the way he is! (finds window and throws Pesty out of it and sees that she fell into a wagon full of rugs). Have a great life! (turns to rest of fan girls)

Damron Girl: Who has the hit list?

Brainiac walks up to DG with list): Here you go!

Damron Girl takes list: Thank you. Let's see who's all on our hit list. (scans hit list) I found our first victim!

Fan girls (curious): Who is it?

Damron Girl with famous devious grin: The guy who stole the heart from Jack and Will!

Brainiac: Uh, correction. The guy's name is Norrington.

Damron Girl (pouts with arms crossed to chest): What-ever.

Fan girls squeal with delight: Yeah! We're going to track him and make him suffer in the worst ways possible! (all leave)

Damron Girl: This is gonna be fun!

---------------------------------------------

Damron Girl: So what'd you think so far? Should I continue with my craziness? Only you can decide!

Raine storms up to DG really mad: Why did you use my cooking for a weapon on the beast for? My cooking is really good!

Damron Girl (sweat bead): Umm…

Raine folds arms and gives a matter of fact look with eyes closed: No one got sick off of it, am I right?

Damron Girl (sweat beads again, sorry, I do that a lot lately,): Umm… Actually, someone did…

Raine opens one eyes: Oh, really? How do I know that you're not lying to me?

Damron Girl: She turned purple and couldn't breath and we later found out that she had food poisoning…

Raine: My cooking is good! (turns to Genis, also off of TOS, who just showed up) My cooking is good, isn't it Genis?

Genis scratches his head with sweat bead hanging down the side of his head nervously: Well, actually… it's not all that good… I'm sorry Raine.

Raine (fuming): Why is everyone against me and my cooking?! (storms off)

Damron Girl: …

Genis: … (then remembers something) Hey DG?

Damron Girl: Yeah?

Genis: Didn't you say that you were going to put make-up on that guy and make him cross dress and stuff…?

Damron Girl: Maybe… I'll never tell, unless the reviewers want me to continue…

Genis: Please review! Pwetty pwease? I want to see a guy in drag!

Damron Girl: Remember, I only need 2 or more in order to continue! And please don't flame me.

--''' Just nice ones or ones that will help me with my writing, because your reviews inspire me to write more.


	2. Norrington gets owned

DG: Yea! I got reviews! 

Jack (just woken up from his hang over): What'd I miss? Anything good?

DG: Not much, you just missed me throwing a girl out of the window because she wanted to put make-up on you and that Peeps was eating a part of the tentacle with all that shit on it...

Jack: Make-up? I'm already hot! And oh, by the way, eating that sounds nasty...

DG: You're telling me... I had to eat a part of it so she would stop crying...

Jack (apologetic): I feel so sorry for you...

DG: It's okay. Besides, I have coffee and tons of reviews!

Jack: What is it with you and coffee? Every fan fiction that you write, you always have or mention coffee in it! What, are you addicted to it or something?

DG smiles: Yes. I can't help it! It tastes so good! (takes out a cup of a blended mudslide from the beanery and drinks a little from it. Really happy.) GOD BLESS BLENDED MUDSLIDES!!

Jack: Whatever helps you write so that you don't do anything stupid to me is fine with me.

DG: I want to thank everyone who reviewed and a special thanks to CatMuto for helping me figure out how to upload new chapters!

DG drinks from coffee again: Okay! Oh by the way, before I forget, I don't own Pirates of the Caribbean II or the characters, but I do own Peeps, Snobby, Princess, Pretty in Pink, Sexy Killer Punk, Shy and myself. (thinks for a moment on the last one) Actually, I don't think I own myself because I do a lot of stupid things without thinking...

Jack: Enjoy the chapter!

-----------------------------------------------

(Fan girls return dragging a large burlap sack behind them)

DG: Did you get him?

Fan girls (smiling): Yep! He's right here! (dumps the burlap sack).

(Norrington falls to the floor).

Norrington: What the hell is going on?! Where the hell am I?!

DG and the others smile devious grins: You're in the depths of hell!

DG ties him up in a chair with rope around his ankles and arms that are behind the chair: Who has the make-up?

Girl (a.k.a., Princess) comes up with a rather large carrying case: I do!

Norrington stares at the case wide eyed and then at the DG and the girls: W-what are you going to do?!

DG with devious grin (really famous): Nothing... Yet.

Pretty in Pink: What kind of lipstick should we put on him? (raises hand) It should be pink!

DG: Okay!

Norrington: WHAT?! NNNNNOOOOOOO!!!!

Sexy Killer Punk: Oh shut up!

Norrington knocked unconscious.

Pretty in Pink: Let's put some pink nail polish on him! I bet he'll look really attractive!

Braniac (doubtful): Do you really think that we should torture this bad? I mean, he is a guy after all... I mean, who would want to see him in drag... (stops and thinks for a moment) Nah. (smiles) This is gonna be fun!

DG: Alright! (looks around at fan girls) So... What kinda dress should we put on him? Any ideas? Anyone?

Sexy Killer Punk: I know! I'll be right back! (leaves to go into walk in closet)

A few minutes later...

Sexy Killer Punk: Found some!

DG and other fan girls: Let us see! Let us see!

Sexy Killer Punk (approaches rabid fan girls): Okay, I have two. (lifts up long red dress with a huge hole in the middle of the chest area) What about this one? It screams, " I'm innocent so rape me!"

Five girls raise hands: I like that one!

Sexy Killer Punk: 1,2,3,4,5! Five votes! (lifts down dress and lifts up a short black dress with a huge hole in the middle of the chest that came down halfway to busts with slits on the sides of the dress) And this one screams, "Slut that wants to fuck you."

12 girls raise hands: We LOVE IT!

DG: 12! WOOT! Let's put this bad boy on!

Another few minutes later...

Brainiac: Uh oh...

DG: What?

Braniac: I think he's going to need a bra if we want him to be a woman.

DG (snaps fingers): So... What do you think would be a good size for him?

Sexy Killer Punk: Hmm... He doesn't have busts and all, so if we stuff it... It would be... Hmm... Try a B cup... Something around the lines of a 36.

DG: Hey, that'll work! I wear that size! (runs into closet and brings out a pink frilly bra with a little black bow in the front) Here we go!

Girls claps hands: Yea! This is gonna be so great!

Brainiac (smiles happily after successfully putting bra on him): It's perfect! He really does look just like a woman!

DG: He IS a woman. (smiles with devious grin) We just helped bring it out a little... That's all. (punches air with fist with devious grin) Now let's take him on a night in the city!

The next morning...

Norrington wakes up and turns on his right side to find himself with another guy in bed with him: What the... Oh, shit! (He tries to escape, but realizes that he's handcuffed to the bed) Oh shit!

The guy lying next to him wakes up and smiles at him: Where do you think you're going, sexy?

Norrington: What does it look like I'mdoing?! I'm trying to leave!

The guy looks at him confused before smiling again: Why would you want to do that for, love? (lifts up ring finger with a shiny ring on it) We're married.

Norrington with a WTF look on his face: WHAT?! NNNNOOOOOO!!!!!

DG (big grin): Don't have too much fun in there! (shuts the door)

Sexy Killer Punk: They looked like such a cute couple so we got them married last night!

DG and Brainiac look at Jack who is passed out on the couch.

Brainiac: I think Jack had a good night last night when he was the best man at the wedding last night and hooked up with some random chick, but unfortunately, she dumped him.

DG: Yeah, but he is cute when he's passed out like a drunken baby.

Girls: Awww... So Kawaii! Those two sure are cute, but not as cute as Jack sleeping with a bottle of rum in his hand.

DG: In the next chapter, we're going to hunt down Davy Jones-

Girls whisper in background: Bastard Davy Jones... Bastard Davy Jones...

DG (irritated): We get the idea so SHUT UP! (sighs) We're gong to need a lot of make-up for that guy. I think it'll be our toughest one yet! (looks at fan girls) Ladies, prepare yourselves and bring tons of make-up and scissors to cut that hideous moving beard!

Girls (punch air with fist with smiles): Yeah!

DG (smirks): Now this is gonna be fun!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

DG: So... Whadja think?

Genis: Uhh...

Jack (wakes up from hangover): Did I miss anything good?

Genis: You just missed the married couple having sex... (grabs head) It was terrifying!

DG: --; Oh, that's right... You're 12...

Genis: WAHHH! (leaves in panic hurry)

DG and Jack: --;

Jack: Please review. I want to get back at Davy Jones for what he did to me.

DG: Yeah. Please review while I try to find Genis so I don't get my ass kicked by Raine...


End file.
